Is yelling in a relationship ever OK?
Yelling can be a part of a healthy relationship; it only becomes a problem when it's tied in with criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. The goal of conflict discussion, which may or may not include yelling, should be to understand each other's positions and try to find some common ground.
Getting into an occasional fight with your boyfriend is perfectly normal. If things get so heated that he yells at you, though, that's a little more serious. It's never okay for your boyfriend to yell or act aggressively toward you.
Stress: The stress-related psychological effects of being yelled at by a spouse include high blood pressure, headaches and heart issues. Low self-esteem: Studies show verbal abuse causes self-esteem problems and harms mental health.
Behaviors such as disrespecting, cursing, name-calling, and anything else that makes the other person feel bad about themselves reflect contemptuous intentions. Contempt from the person with whom you are supposed to feel secure and protected could put the future of your marriage in doubt.
There is a great deal of variation in terms of how often people in serious relationships say they get into arguments or disagreements. Roughly an equal share say they argue once a week or more (30%), once a month or multiple times a month (28%), and once or multiple times per year (32%). Only 3% say they never argue.
Signs of Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. This can include overt verbal abuse such as yelling, screaming, or swearing. Such behaviors are attempts to gain power, and the goal is to control and intimidate you into submission.
- Lack of support. “Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Caraballo says. ...
- Toxic communication. ...
- Envy or jealousy. ...
- Controlling behaviors. ...
- Resentment. ...
- Dishonesty. ...
- Patterns of disrespect. ...
- Negative financial behaviors.
Being yelled at has significant effects on both the body and the brain. The psychological effects of being yelled at include anxiety, depression, and interpersonal problems. Other psychological effects of being yelled at include stress, autonomic arousal, behavioral problems, low self-esteem, and sleep problems.
A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.
Yelling at your spouse/partner induces fear, just as it does in a child. Brain research has shown that it is very difficult to think while in a state of fear. If you want your partner to think about what you say, the odds for that increase when you speak in a way that does not produce fear.
Is it OK to raise your voice in a relationship?
Raising your voice is a natural mode of self-defense, but it can be misused. The short answer is that anything in excess is usually a bad thing; this appears to be true in the case of relationships that involve a heavy dosage of screaming or yelling.
There is no set number for how often you should have disagreements with your partner. And having arguments can be a healthy part of any relationship.

The experts say that yelling is not OK behavior to use in an argument but conversely, emotional manipulation is not destructive as a tool, it is OK.